All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
