Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
