well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
