I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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