i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
