3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
