I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
