We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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