I didn't shave. On purpose
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
