I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sarcasm needs its own font
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
