Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's always time for handjobs
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
