At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
