so that wasnt chicken after all
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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