Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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