When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
