I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
