I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize