Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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