wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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