Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
