my vag is so smooth its legendary
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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