Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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