Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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