i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
