I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
