I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
