i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
