Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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