i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
