to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
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Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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