So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
