I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
