He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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