Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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