Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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