I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
