It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
