Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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