96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
