I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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