when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she peed on how many people?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
