i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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