who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
