it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
