When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
