I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
