girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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