forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
