my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
