Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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