If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have aggressive nipples.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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