Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
