Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
