I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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