I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Please don't give away my fajitas
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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