at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
