He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
