If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
