he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
