Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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