Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
