I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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