I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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