Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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