She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
