Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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