i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
