I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
