someone threw a dead crab at me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
