I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
