the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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