So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize