It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
