My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
