i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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