also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
