ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
