Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
