More tranny stories later!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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