Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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