I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
