is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
