I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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