We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
