You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
