My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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