I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
