I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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