The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
